Thursday, January 17, 2013

Mom Guilt!

Layla's Holiday show!

I know I am not the first mother to feel like this and I know I won't be the last and I know this feeling is going to come back at one point or another but I am going through mom guilt. Big time!

I am a working mother of two very young girls and we are expecting our third child. Now I work because I have to and frankly because I want to. As much as I complain about working like we all do, there is some satisfaction with going out and doing your own thing. The thing is working full time and having a family is hard to balance your time and no matter how you try there is always going to be something you can't do something you are going to miss, something you just don't have time for.

I usually get home around 6 and its a mad dash to get them fed, bathed and ready for the next day, by nine or so they are in their rooms ready to go to sleep. It doesn't leave a lot of time to spend with them. Layla is in school all day and Ava at the sitters. I miss out on a lot. Layla being in school she has "shows" that they put on you know for like the holidays and so forth. Tomorrow they are having one, and I nor my husband can make this one. I just can't get out of work to go for an hour to see her show. I have seen everyone she has put on but missing this one, it just makes me sad. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Though I would love to be there as she sings her little songs with all her classmates and take pictures like all other parents, I just can't get the time off tomorrow. Now I did explain to her that I couldn't go and she took it well but I am a wreck.

Its only a few months away from us meeting our new addition to our family. Now I will be the working mother of three. How the hell am I going to divide my time to make sure all their needs are met. This is constantly on my mind. I try to think back at my childhood, as one of four did I ever feel left out, or as if I needed more attention. I really don't know. I miss so much of their day as it is now I am adding someone else who is going to need so much more of my attention. How am I going to balance it all????

I want to be present for everything and I know that its unrealistic. I know that this balancing act is hard. I just want to make sure that I am not missing anything they need. When I was pregnant with Ava, Layla was not in school yet, and though she was at a sitter's all day I had more energy and more time, when Ava came, it was an adjustment but hey we did it. At least I think we are succeeding. But days like today, days that I have to realize I can't be there every single time for every single one of them its hard and then to think now my attention pie has to be divided again when SPAWN number 3 comes!

Its not only my kids I worry about, but also the relationship with my husband, with my friends, with myself. I don't want to lose me because I am giving everyone else me! Does that make any sense??? There are some days I feel overwhelmed now, I can't imagine how I am going to cope come April when there is someone else here! I mean I guess these feelings are all natural. Its just finally hitting me. I really can't see how I am going to be able to do this

I know I am not alone and I am grateful for my husband and family they are a great support system. I know that the same way we have adjusted in the past we will continue to do. I know deep down I do a hell of a job at being a mom and being a totally awesome chick! But right now at this moment when I have to tell my little girl that I can't go to her show, I feel like there is no way I can spread myself to meet the needs of someone else let alone everything together!




  1. I'm so sorry you had to miss her show. I know how rediculously important those little things become. But you're being a great mother in the best ways YOU know how, which is different than any other mother. You cannot be a great mother in ALL the ways. You will balance three kids and work and everything else. A million have done it before you and you can do it to. Have a stout heart, mama.

  2. All you can do is your best and that's what you're doing. You can't be everywhere, but they can be aware of your love no matter where they are and I just know they are and will always be aware of it.

    1. I know what you mean. It all worked out in the end, her aunt got to go see her show and she was really happy!