Nemo Found Us!!!

Well we have survived the first major snow storm of 2013!!! We were hit with a good amount of snow but NYC braved through it and there wasn't even a snow day!!! I am grateful that we didn't get worse and hopefully everyone that is still digging out of the snow is OK!

The best part of Nemo was taking my girls out to play with the snow! They had so much fun! I thought Ava was going to be scared of it but she jumped right in crushing piles of snow with her boots!!!
And of course I being the emotional wreck that I have been lately just couldn't help but get a little choked up as I saw my two and four year old playing with all the other kids in the snow in the park that their dad and I grew up playing in. They are growing up so fast!!! These moments are so precious! I still can't believe I got Spawn #3 in the oven!!!

It just amazes me how fast they grow up! How one minute you bringing them home from the hospital and the next minute they aiming for your head with a snowball their dad has made for them to throw at you!

IT REALLY IS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT!!! LMAO

Nemo was fun, now its time to get back to reality. Spawn #3 will be here in about two months! I still have tons to do. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that I will be the mother of three! I NEED JESUS PEOPLE!!! I remember looking at my husband the day of our wedding and whispering in his ear "Please promise me our lives will never be boring" and he whispered back " I can totally promise you that"

I THINK HE HAS KEPT THAT PROMISE!!!    

Shit My Husbands Says! Part 3

I haven't had a great run of health in this pregnancy. I had really bad morning sickness in the beginning and now its back!!! During the Holidays we all got sick and since then I have not been able to shake this cough, and to top it off we are in a deep freeze in NYC, so its freaking freezing. I am really tired, cranky, and just plain not myself most days. This morning, I just could not take it anymore!

 As my husband showered, I laid in bed and instead of getting ready for the day, I curled up in a little ball and started crying. One of those I don't give a fuck who sees me cries, I just got to let it out kind of cries! Well I was sobbing by the time my husband came out of the bathroom and he was surprised he like what the hell happened??? In between sobs, I let out that I was tired, that I was over it, that I hated feeling sick and worse I hated how I felt about my body and what this pregnancy is doing to it, when I am supposed to be happy!!! I mean we are having a baby for god-sakes and I should be an old pro at this being that this is Spawn #3.

Well leave it up to my husband to come up with one of his pearls of wisdom!!! He turns to me and says: "Zulay I know you are going through it right now but don't you see how amazing you are, you are a vessel of life" Really dude!!!

A VESSEL OF LIFE!!!!

Now what can you say to that, how can you be sad or mad, when the man you love tells you that!!! LMAO!!! So apparently I am a vessel of life! Then my mother comes in to see what is wrong with me and he proceeds to tell her the vessel of life bit and that I was sad cause I was not well and all that. She like its all your fault, you know, you got her pregnant and he proceeds to tell her: "Oh know, this was all her doing, this was all her Fifty Shades of Grey and Blackdagger Brotherhood reading that got her to want to suck my blood"

HE IS SO IRRESISTIBLE I WANTED TO SUCK HIS BLOOD!!!

Seriously after that golden gem, all I can do is laugh. That's what my husband does best, he just knows how to get me out my funk and today, I so needed that! No matter what the problem is, no matter how bad I am feeling I can always count on him to get me out of it. See it in another perspective or just plain laugh about it! You can't ask for more can you??? LOL In retrospect I am really happy we are having another baby and I don't mean to sound all down about it. It's just when they say every pregnancy is different they were not lying. This one is kicking my butt! But baby is healthy and I only have till April so I have stuck it out this long I can continue on! Hopefully in the next couple of weeks the weather will get better, I will get over this persistent cough and maybe get myself back a little!!! But for now, I am just happy to be his Vessel of Life!!! LMAO Good Lord, life is never boring when you are married to my husband!!! LOL

      

Shit My husband says Part 2

Now for the most part my husband's opinions are never really withheld. He basically says what's on his mind every chance he gets. That's one of the things I love about him. He is, who he is, and really doesn't care either way what people say or do as long as we are happy! So I always know he will give it to me straight!!

Cut to this morning and the conversation goes like this:
Me: How do I look in this? Do I look OK? Is my hair OK?
Him: You match!

YOU MATCH!!!!

What kind of shit is that to say! When I look at him again a bit puzzled and wanting clarification he repeats "You Match" Umm... OK so I am almost 6 months pregnant and maybe he has noticed that I have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster lately. So maybe this is unfamiliar territory for him so he is treading lightly but really "You Match" was the best he can come up with!!! I wonder if I really didn't match would he have found another attribute to give me a compliment about instead of just saying you look off today... like well your eyes are sparkling!!!

Anyway so today at least I match! In all fairness what did I really expect him to say "you look like crap you need more sleep"! Because in all honesty that's how I felt when I left this morning!

But all is not lost, as I sat at my desk and began my work day my phone rang and it was my poetically gifted husband calling to ask me how my ride into work was, did I make it in on time and that he loves me! Wow can a girl really ask for anything more! I match and my husband just calls to say he loves me! All is great in the world! That's all!

Confessions/Baring My soul!

So I was reading one of my favorite blogs this morning and after reading and enjoying it like usual I thought well she got her idea from another blog so I was going to keep it going and copy off of her and well...BARE MY SOUL

1. Completely and utterly obsessed with The Blackdagger Brotherhood a series of 10 books by J.R. Ward all about Vampires, love, sex and everything else you can think of! I have read all 10 books, gone back and read the two that I utterly love and am about to pre-order book 11 which doesn't come out till March 2013!

2. I don't give my girls baths on Fridays! Does that make me a bad mom! LOL. Well most Fridays. We usually go pick the girls up which means we are on route to our home by like 645pm and then we usually eat out so by the time we get home I am so tired that its just easier to have them bath early Saturday! One day without a bath won't kill them!

3. I rather text than talk... talking takes so much effort. If I talk to you on the phone than you are on the really short list of people I love because really... a LOL is so much easier than explaining it as we talk!

4.In the summer I avoid wearing shorts at all cost because it means I have to shave! LOL

5.I am so emotional lately... anything sets me off! Most people don't see it because years of experience of holding shit in but yeah... tears have been a flowing as of late and I don't know why!

6. Favorite place to be... my living room couch, lights off only the flicker of the TV, my kindle, or my computer lighting the room.

7.I haven't swept my house in going on 3 weeks... I pick things up from the floor all day long but I haven't reached for the broom in a while! LOL

8. I can't wait for Ava to do something bad so I can give her a time out in her crib! Those girls wear me out! I need a break! LOL(OK that sounded bad... walk a day in my shoes people!)

9.I love shopping, hate shopping for myself. My girlfriend and I went shopping the other day I tried on 10 dresses, ending up going to the children's place and got the girls some outfits! I claimed that as a shopping trip success but was it really???

10. I have strategically angled my work computer monitor so that if someone comes into my office they can't see what I am doing or what I am looking at. I did this by walking in and out my own damn office a few times to make sure my covert ops of Facebook, blogger and Usweekly would never be discovered!

11 I stole this idea from After Bedtime Blog  who stole it from Writing, Wishing and you can steal it from me if you feel the need!

So there goes my confessions for the day!

The Shit My Husband Says...

For anyone that reads my blogs they know that I adore my husband... he is my best friend and he has always been there for me! Nevertheless we have our moments don't get me wrong... but this blog is not about one of those moments... 

Anyone that knows my husband knows he is a character and the things that come out his mouth sometimes is crazy!!! This weekend we had a quiet family weekend. I finished my class and headed home and he was having a bit of a moment with the girls! Anyway during the course of the day I began to make lunch and Layla said something or other that my husband found endearing... and he turns to me and said this:

"Zulay, thank you for giving me my girls, protecting them in your womb and releasing them in your vaginal tunnel of life"

ROTFL!!!   Of course I turn to him and repeat "Vaginal Tunnel of Life???" and he repeats as if clarifying. LOL I guess this his way of showing me his appreciation for our girls! I just felt like sharing that with all of you! My husband the man of the one liners! Life really can't get boring when you have someone dishing out words of wisdom like that...

On that note... I know I have been missing from the blog world for a little while but I have had alot on my plate and alot to think about in the past few weeks... but I really love this blog and everything that comes with it so I will start to begin coming back and posting more regularly. 

About a week ago I got my very first nasty comment, someone out there called me a very nasty name starting with a C and ending in T LOL you guys can figure out the rest! Now I know that when you put yourself out there like I have you have to be ready to face criticism and especially me, I mean I use my real names I show my girls, I don't hide. The reason I don't hide is because I started this blog because I was having all these weird emotions about parenting and about being a mother. At one point I felt I had made the wrong decision and this blog was my therapy a place where I could come let it all out and just be! What I found that in doing that I found a network of people who supported me and related to what I was writing and as I helped them they helped me so many times over! So I tried to say that the comment didn't effect me but I am only human of course its going to affect me even if it's just a thought that lingers! Regardless I feel that I have something to say... and one little comment is not going to stop me! So I guess the bright side of reading that rude comment was that it made me think and evaluate do I really want to continue my journey in this Blogsphere????

"OH HELL TO THE FUCK YES!!!"

So thank you for all of your support even those that don't really like what I am doing! I realize I do this for me and if you guys like it I am happy but if you don't I still am going to do it!

The Rule Of Agreement

"The first rule of improvisation is AGREE. Always agree and SAY YES. When you're improvising, this means you are required to agree with whatever your partner has created. So if we're improvising and I say, "Freeze, I have a gun,"and you say, "That's not a gun, It's your finger. You're pointing your finger at me," our improvised scene has ground to a halt. But if I say, "Freeze, I have a gun!" and you say, "The gun I gave you for Christmas! You bastard!" then we have a started a scene because we have AGREED that my finger is in fact a Christmas gun. Now, obviously in real life you're not always going to agree with everything everyone says. But the Rule of Agreement reminds you to "respect what your partner has created" and to at least start from an open-minded place. Start with a YES and see where that takes you. As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in a real life whose first answer is no. "No, we can't do that", "No that's not in the budget", "No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar." What kind of way is that to live?"

From Tina Fey's book BossyPants

I have this so many times but today... I truly felt it but words are so powerful! I haven't had the greatest morning today! Ever have a discussion that just drains you! That's the kind of morning I have. Not to get into so much detail, like everything relationships are living, growing things and I guess we just going through some growing pains. I am very negative when it comes to our "discussions", to confrontations. I know this... I begin most times from a negative place because I become defensive. This comes from the fact no matter what the situation is, when something goes wrong I blame myself. So no matter what it is I come from like again Shit is my fault! And I get defensive and start with the "no that's not true" and blah blah blah!

Then I got on the train and fired up my Kindle app on my phone and continued reading Tina Fey's book Bossypants. The above passage was the third page I read this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I had to catch my breath when I read it, so I read it twice and then bookmarked! It took me back the discussion I just had and I realized I am not fair to my partner and that just made me feel really bad! I told myself right there that when I am in a discussion to remember those above words!

For example when my partner tells me "You make me feel this way..." I usually say "No I don't, I don't understand why you feel this way" or "Why do you always take things the Wrong way" See that it's all negative and it halts the conversation because now the other person is defensive and shutting down! Now I know better so next time I hear the other person say something like "You make me feel..." I can say "OK, I hear what you are saying, but can you tell me exactly why you feel this way..." See it opens the conversation up so that the discussion doesn't come to a halt and leave us feeling wrong, and like nothing has been accomplished, the only thing that has happened is that you both are left feeling like the other person doesn't even like you!

I realize I have been going about things the wrong way and "agreeing" will open up discussions and hopefully we will be able to get through these growing pains with the least amount of pain possible!

**Disclaimer: My marriage is fine, we not going through major issues, but like ever marriage and long relationships shit happens, I am only saying this because in the past when I write about my relationship I get emails like "OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED" LOL thank you all for your concern but... its just what comes with marriage!!! LOL**

Advice to the Bride

This weekend I had the honor of going to my future cousin in law's Luz Bridal shower! It was a nice fun night out with my sister in law and they we really needed! Nothing like some good old girlfriend bonding time away from the kids! We got to talk and laugh over drinks and it was a great time with great conversation!

Now then came time to give the bride-to-be some good old advice! I hate this part of the shower I really do... I mean yes I have been married for almost 9 years now but believe me I am no expert! Every realationship is different and there really is no handbook on this stuff! You really have to go with the flow of what works for your relationship! (Damn maybe I should have written that!) Anyway we went about writing our little notes on the pretty pink hearts we were provided and I wrote mines down!

NEVER BE AFRAID TO LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY!!!

Now maybe its all the Fifty Shades of Grey I and everyone else has been reading but the minute I wrote this down everyone took it sexually! LOL and like we were all in a playful mood I just went along with it! I mean yes there is an undercurrent of sex in this statement! Nothing makes marriage more fun than a variety of sex in the bedroom, but hey this is not that type of blog! But really...

What I really meant is we are all different, in every way! Even with your own partner... there are times you are going to look over at your husband and say what the hell! But you can't let that scare you! You have to be able to say what is on your mind no matter how crazy shit sounds! Or how you think it will be perceived!  You have to let your freak flag fly!  Communication is key!

You have to be willing to speak your own mind, even if it doesn't agree with your new husband! You have to know your husband inside and out and he has to know you! Don't hold anything back! If you can't be yourself with your husband then who can you be yourself with!

So I guess that is what I really meant to say... Maybe that's not as sexy as getting freaking in the bedroom... but the sooner you are able to be completely honest with your future spouse outside the bedroom the better your communication will be inside the bedroom! LOL

Date night!

Now the Hubby and I rarely get a night off without the kids. So when the cosmic forces align I always try to take full advantage of it! When we got tickets to Westchester Magazine Beer & Burger Bash I jumped on the chance, to enjoy two of my favorite things, my husband's company and well burgers!!!! The Beer bash was part of Westchester Magazine Wine and food Weekend it was the kick off event to the their weekend and we were able to enjoy so may great restaurants from all over Westchester County that we would not be able to visit. (Did I mention how rare a night out is for us!)

Here is a recap of our evening and what we thought of the food:

First off every booth we tried was great but two of them stood out for me and I believe my husband can agree to that first up:

 Rye Roadhouse  Can I just say O..M..G they had these ribs and mac and cheese to die for. The ribs were excellent fall off the bone goodness!!! I mean you can see from the picture to the left the husband approves!!! From the long line of people waiting for their ribs I must say that I think everyone approved of food. 

Now I don't have a picture of the next place because I was busy stuffing my face to really care about taking a picture and well their were way to many people for me to stop point and shoot. But I must say this by far was the best burger of the night! I ate a Lamb burger from Harvest on Hudson Now mind you I rarely like to try new things and I have in the past said that I don't like lamb but maybe it was the fact that I was out the house. The fact that I didn't have to push a stroller, the fact that I was having adult conversations and being called by my name and not by mommy that I threw caution to the wind and tried it out and let me tell you it was amazing. I loved it. I really wanted to go get some more, but we were moving to another booth! I am a little sad not to see that burger on their menu, maybe they just did it for the event. Either way if they can make a burger like that then they get two thumbs up from me!

All in all it was a great date night! We have to try and get out more! LOL Oh I can't forget the beer. I am not that big of a beer drinker and neither is the husband but like it was a Beer and burger bash we did have to try the beer. I believe Blue Moon was the sponsor of the event because they were every where and let me say for someone who really doesn't like beer, I thought it was really good!

So there you go, we went we ate and we conquered! Best part of the night is that we got time to spend together apart from the kids. I think that it is really important to try and find time for each other, to go out and enjoy each other company. It was fun!

Happy Birthday Husband!

Yep that is the husband, also known as my dude, or like he likes to call himself the "Master"!!! For today I will let him think he is!!! LOL Today is a special day it's the "Master" birthday! Though he lies about his age I will not reveal it here! I just wanted to take a moment and wish my wonderfully lovable husband a great big 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I can go on and on about how much I love you or everything that you mean to me! But really I just want to thank you for being you! Even though at times your laid back demeanor gets on my last nerve, that is one of the qualities that I admire about you. You take pretty much everything in stride, few things upset you and you never let the little things get you down. You always are able to see the silver lining in everything! For that I say thanks!  I hope we are able to share many more birthdays together.

I love you, its as simple as that! All that makes you, you is the reason we are what we are! Enjoy your birthday my dude!

A YEAR IN REVIEW!!!

Well the year is almost over! It's been a crazy year but hey I guess it has been for many people! I see alot of my fellow bloggers are putting there top five or top ten blog posts up and I figured hey why not! I was going to list the top viewed blogs according to stats but I rather pick my favorite blog posts of this year and the ones I feel you guys also enjoyed!!! I hope you agree with me!!!

MY TOP TEN BLOG POSTS FOR 2011:

10.  Rules of Engagement    I really am not an expert at relationships, but being with my husband for 17 years sometimes you have to be refreshed as to how to discuss things without really hurting the other persons feelings! I saw many of you related to what I was trying to say in this post!! Thanks!

9. Titi Lissa's Corner I love that my sister contributes her point of view as an aunt to my two little girls on my blog!!! I especially love this blog entry because it's her day with my Layla as she takes her to the movies! Titi Lissa got a little peak at what my life is like! LOL By the way that's Titi Lissa  and she has a great blog!!!

 8. And They called it Puppy Love! 
 Who doesn't love a good love story!!! LOL I think ours is pretty good!!! We may have our ups and downs but he is truly my best friend and I wouldn't trade him for the world!

7. I Can't Believe Mommy Forgot her Socks!
Hey we have all been there! We forget one thing or another, it happens! But I remember that day like it was yesterday, how my mother called me to tell me how my father was so embarrassed because everyone was looking at him because Ava had no socks on! How he quickly threw me under the bus and stated that her mom had forgot! How the women looked at my Ava in sadness! OK so I exaggerate but come on!!! I forgot! 

6.Boca Chica Bitches
This mommy was in desperate need of a vacation! So much, that days leading up to our vacation, my friends and I had a countdown on Facebook! My husband and I were so excited to get away by ourselves! We really needed to reconnect and just recharge! It was great to just be me and not mommy for a few days! My girls were never far from my mind! My huge phone bill can testify to that but it was great to just hang with friends and be me!

5. Three's a Crowd
Yes I have made the ultimate parenting mistake and now I am still paying for it! There are still nights when she sleeps in our bed forcing my husband to sleep on the couch! I move her to her bed all the time and yet she still manages to climb in to bed with us! The one that suffers the most is Ava because poor child... I won't even let her nap on our bed!

4.Our First Parent/Teacher Conference
I remember when Layla was first born, I looked into the future and wonder how she would be in school!(Yes I actually did that) I couldn't wait to see her teacher and here how my daugther was at school! I was very surprised to hear that she cleans up and is very good at sharing! LOL those that know Layla know that cleaning up is an issue in my house and sharing well she does share but on her terms! LOL

3. Guest Blogging!
My very first guest blog over at DanfredoRivera I had the honor of guest blogging while Danielle got married! I was asked to write about our journey of becoming parents and I have to admit I really do love this blog!!! Thanks Danielle for letting me take over your blog for a day!

2.Make-up Routine
LOL I had fun with this post and I saw that many of you enjoyed it! I never really take myself that seriously! So I know that I need help when it comes to make-up! Update: I have kept up some kind of make-up routine! If anything I never leave my house without putting on lip gloss! It will really take some time for me to get use to this whole make up thing!!!

Now without any further ado the number 1 blog post of 2011 is:

 

So there you have it my top 10 blogs of 2011!!! I hope you guys enjoy! If you are new to our lil' blog I hope this list gives you a feel for what we are all about here! Remember comments are always welcomed and for the most part I try to respond! If you are already familiar with our blog thank you for all your support!!! 

Thanks for reading and taking this journey with me!!!

Time to take inventory!

It's time to take inventory! I remember someone telling me this when they were speaking about relationships and when I first heard it I thought inventory of what??? I mean what could that possibly mean...  as I listened, I realized its just to get things back on track! Inventory of your feelings, of the situation, of the pros and cons of whatever it is you are going through.

Lately my husband and I have been really short with eachother. It doesn't take much to set off an argument big or small. He is a really easy going person so arguments in my house usually make me feel like I am being a bully! I get all upset and reeved up and he just gets upsets and shuts down or we just end up yelling at eachother and not really getting to the core of the problem. Maybe it's the situation we are in and all that comes with that, maybe its the fact that we are both working hard to get our family on track but even though we are both trying to keep it together the cracks are starting to show! I had to actually go and re-read one of my own blogs where I discuss having a positive argument.

This past week I had finally taken inventory of my feelings and actually had a productive talk with my husband about our situation and it was a good talk. I had really thought about what I wanted to tell him and how I wanted to say it. This helped me out alot because I didn't dwell on who's fault it was or who did what but we worked on trying to find solutions to get over this small bump in our road! I was surprised that he also felt alot like I was feeling, but really didn't know how to approach the situation.

I know that sometimes it feels good to yell and just get stuff of your chest, but through this situation especially I have learned that this really isn't going to get us anywhere. We need solutions we need a plan we need to both be working on a common goal. Yes this is all better said than done and like I have stated numerous times I am by no means an expert, I am simply pointing out what I have learned in my own relationship. I am learning to take inventory of my feelings, even if it takes me a few days to bring up something that bothered me or something that just needs attention. I have seen that once I just think about what I am going to say before I actually say it, its more effective when it comes to my marriage.

Don't get me wrong we still get mad, we still fuss and fight I mean who doesn't, but together we are trying. Once the dust clears we have a concise plan as to what to do and how to do it. The only way one is going to get over it is to have a plan that both can do. We have taken inventory and will continue to do so as we navigate through this phase in our marriage. Its easy to point fingers and give blame, but it's much harder to sit and be adults and try to find out how to solve the problem or at least make a plan to get on the road to a solution. We are working on it.

You know I will keep you guys posted! For now we are constantly learning things that worked in our marriage a few months ago or even a few years ago may not work now because as our marriage grows and changes we grow and change so we always have to take inventory of the situation and just lean on eachother to try and get through. So far so good we working on it like always!

My cluttered mind

I have been feeling very much in a daze, these past couple of weeks! For the most part this past year and a half I have been able to take all the little bumps in the road my little family has had to endure! But I most say these past two months I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been on the verge of writing this post for a while trying to get my thoughts out, because everything is not always so cute, but the words just run through my head like everything else. It wasn't till this morning when I finally came undone! I felt the anxiety attack creeping in on me at 645am as I sat in the bathroom trying to do Layla's hair and her fighting me every step of the way! I had to remove myself from the situation and go walk the dog just to get some fresh air and try to calm my thoughts, my breathing, myself!

I keep going back to that thought "I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel" This past year we have been able to get by though its been hard, we have been making it through. As the year comes to a close it's becoming a bit tighter and I have had to become a bit creative with our budget. I guess it's the holidays and just the thought of some more months of just making it through, seeing that our finances need some adjusting and finding that the budget keeps getting tighter and tighter. Its got me worried! I mean in the grand scheme of things we are better than most. We have a roof over our heads, we have our health and my kids want for nothing and because we were doing so well before we were able to save money that we have been able to dip into when times got rough. Though now even that is starting to dry!  I am so not use to counting every penny and budgeting every dollar and if we go off the budget for any little thing then we are paying for it at the end of the month. 

All these thoughts are becoming way too overwhelming. How much longer can we really keep this up! That is my biggest concern! I know deep down we will be fine! I know this! But in the day to day I get worried, I have moments of weakness I guess you can call it and sometimes due to my anxiety, they become moments of despair!  I have to say that it always helps to have someone by your side to help you carry the load. I have to remind myself at times that I am not alone in this, and that I should talk more openly to my husband about my concerns and fears. It's just that due to my personality I just try to always find ways to fix the problem. I always just try and take it upon myself to carry the load and get it done! I guess alot of moms out there are like that, we carry the burden for our families.

But at the end of the day it's great to know that I don't have to carry this load alone! I do have a great partner and I have to remind myself to open up to him and let him know what I am feeling, even if there is nothing any one of us can do to fix the situation at the moment at least it's out there and the feelings can be recognized and dealt with. I am rambling.... I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I still don't know when we will get completely back on our feet, but I do realize that I am not alone!



I didn't want this to be a total depressing post so here are some tips that I have found help me save money:

• Brown bag breakfast and lunch! This is a must for a family on a budget. In the area I work I can easily spend up close 15 bucks a day on breakfast and lunch. I usually bring leftovers for lunch and I also do a small grocery list for my office every pay period. I go to target and get a pack of bagels maybe a small cereal and some milk I find that is cheaper than buying a bagel a day from our local deli!
• Sign up at your favorite stores for their email list! These really work. I get great emails from all my favorite stores and get coupons and deals to shop and save money.
• Clip coupons. Now I am not an extreme couponer but I can't pass up a good deal especially when shopping on a budget. I try to cut coupons for the things at the supermarket that I or my girls can't live without so that even if the supermarket doesn't have it on sale we can still afford it.

I have so many other ideas to save money and stick to your budget but I rather hear from you guys. What are some creative things you guys do to keep your family on track?

AND THEY SAID IT WAS ONLY PUPPY LOVE!

Yep that is us!!! Can you believe it! It's crazy today my husband and I make 17 years of togetherness! Eventhough I have been told that now that we are married only our wedding anniversary counts, I felt the need to acknowledge that hey it's 17 freaking years!!! My husband and I grow up in the same neighborhood, hell we lived in the same building, two floors of seperations, we went to the same schools but we never really interacted. In the buildings courtyard we would pass eachother because everyone new everyone but we never really hung out! Then came the summer of 1994, I was 14 and he was 15, my friend Glenda told me hey you know Pacman ( that's his nickname) what you think of him? What do I think of him I don't even know him! After that a young Pacman began his master plan as he called it! He started showing up where I would be, coming down stairs when I would be in the courtyard and a friendship formed, then one day on a park bench he told me he needed to talk to me and said "Hey I really like you and I feel you like me" I said "Yeah I do" (we were so deep LOL) to which he responded "so if you like me and I like you I was thinking, would you be my girlfriend"!!! I nervously laughed and said yes I would love to be your girlfriend! From there on we were inseperable!

There is no one else I would pick to make this journey with me! We are not perfect, like everyone else we have our moments, we scream, cry, but we also laugh and smile! If you believe in soulmates or fate or whatever then I guess that's what we are, he truly adds to my life. He is my biggest critic and my biggest fan! As we grew up together I seen him become a wonderful man and an amazing husband! When it came time for him to ask me to marry him, he went the traditional route! He asked my parents for their blessing and he took me back to that park bench where he had asked me to be his girlfriend and got on one knee and asked me to be his wife! Of course I said YES!

As we transitioned from boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife we never skipped a beat! He is a great husband. I can go on forever talking about him! I may complain at times but who doesn't! But I must say I am truly happy and blessed. I am sharing my life with someone who has seen me at my worst and still is able to look at me and smile! When people find out how long we been together usually the first thing they say after "wow" is "how do you do it?" I don't think there is a set formula for a lasting relationship! We have the advantage of being together so long so we know eachother's in and outs! We kind of feel eachother out and he knows when I need space and I know when he needs his space. Its easy to get caught up in all the small stuff and expect this fairytale story but the reality is that it's not that simple! Life is messy and sometimes it nothing like those disney stories we grew up with but when you find someone that is willing to go thru all the craziness then thats what counts! Someone once told me that they knew they found the one when she waved her freak flag and he didn't run away! Well for 17 years I have waved my freak flag and he waved his right back!!!! LOL Here's to us, to another 17 years!!!

Happy Fathers Day!!!

Today is Father's day, and my blog is dedicated to my husband!Who I must say is one amazing father! My husband and I have been married for going on eight years this upcoming August, but we have been together for almost seventeen years! We grew up together, we've laughed, we've cried, we've fought and we have loved and I can only imagine we are going to do more of all of the above!!! The most important thing we have done together is start our family!!!! When were going to become parents for the first time I must say I was a little scared, I wondered how I would be as a mother and I wondered how he would be as a father! I knew he was a gentle and loving man but I just didn't see how he could be with a newborn. For some reason him with a newborn was a picture I could not grasp!

But when Layla was born he surprised me in a way that is beyond words! The man he became at the time of Layla's birth made me fall in love with him all over again. Seeing him with the girls is something! They share a beyond that I must admit at times I'm jealous of. They speak there own language, they make up songs, stories, they play, they laugh! You can see that my children's entire happiness revolves around this man!
Last year we had a run of bad luck and my husband was laid off from his job, thus making him the primary care giver of our girls, mind you I had just had Ava so he was stuck at home all day with a 3 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. In that year I saw exactly what kind of man he is. Yes we had bumps in the road,there were times I got home from work and he was waiting for me at the door, telling me that he needed to go outside because just needed a break! Yet he stepped up to the challenge and  totally took to taking care of them and at times I must say that he understands them better than me! Our daughters adore him!
He is a hands on father, if they need changing or a bottle, he is there, he still doesn't give them a bath but we working on that! Just last week he attempted to do Layla's hair, LOL so we getting there!



We may not be the perfect couple but we are perfect for each other. I am truely greatful that I have him in my life there is no one I can even imagine to take this journey with me. I am so proud of the people that we have become and of the parents that we are becoming.

He is the definition of the word father, he is the rock that holds our family together. I cannot envision a day that we are not connected in some way! This blog is a love letter to my husband, for all that he is and all that he will be! My greatest joy is watching him become a father!

Layla wanted me to say "I love my daddy" She interrupted me to tell me to put that when she saw the picture to the left! LOL But she really does she is the typical Daddy's Girl! Those two together are a force! And our little Ava rounds out his little gang! I hear him now gettting ready for his softball game, Layla is asking one of her crazy questions yet he takes the time to listen to her! He listens to everything she says and he talks to her and he never dismisses her thoughts or ideas as just crazy talk from a three year old! I guess that's why she always says her daddy is her best friend! I can go on forever about how great dad he is, but I am just thankful that on this Father's day I get to call Hector L. Fernandez, my husband, my friend, my partner, and my girls get to call him Daddy!

We love you more than you will ever know! Thank you for being you and thank you for the greatest dad to our little ladies!

Rules of Engagement

As a young couple you get all this advice, one that I got the most was never go to sleep angry and always fight fair. Fight fair? Now the whole business of a fight is that there is to be a winner and a loser, it's basically a competition and fighting in itself can get ugly, I have seen enough boxing matches to know that and many times one fighter or the other hits below the belt. Now in a relationship there should be no hitting below the belt, well that is better said than done. I have found through the years that the longer you are with a person, the more you know them, you learn exactly what buttons to push, and at times when "fighting" someone is going to hit below the belt. How do you take something back when you know you said it to win the "fight"?

This question became all to clear to me when having an argument with my husband he said something that he knew would hurt me to the core. I know he knew this because of the pause after it was said, and in turn I said something that would be as hurtful. The original reason for the argument becomes overshadowed because now there are hurt feelings and resentment because of things that were said. Knowing me for all these years, he knows what to say to me to make me feel happy as well what he can say to destroy my spirit, therefore why say it? Is it that he found himself losing the "fight" and in a last act of desperation took out the big guns, and then in turn I took out my arsenal of weaponry? Why is it so easy to hurt the people that we love?

Then the new question arises how do you come back from that, you can't apologize for the original cause of the argument or discussion or whatever, because now there is a new reason to be upset. Do you take back what you said? Do you admit that maybe you did it on purpose? Do you admit that you knew you would hurt the other? How do you get past the fact that on some kind of level hurting each other is part of the territory. One rule of engagement is "know your opponent", this is the reason that the words from your partner can be so hurtful, because they are the person that knows you the best.

Though it is really hard to follow or even remember advice when you are in the midst of an argument, I have compiled a few things told to me or that I have read that have been beneficial to me (not so much last night but...) I will call them our "NEW" RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. I wish I could have remembered these last night it would have really saved me alot of hurt feelings!

NEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT:

1. Pick your battles: Life is too short, and there are just somethings that no matter what will never change, remember some things can just be left alone, learn to see the big picture and pick your battles wisely.
2. Take an adult time out: When you see things getting heated, when you see that both of you are just straying away from the original reason for the argument. Its perfectly normal and acceptable to take a time out. Discuss whatever issues after both are calm and level headed. Screaming is just gonna scare the kids, and give you a sore thoart, it solves nothing.
3. You do love this person: remember no matter what the argument or discussion is about, you do love this person, and if its just a normal spat, you do want to continue to love this person, so please think before you say anything that may hurt the others feelings.
4. Sorry is not a curse word: in the midst of a fight sometimes we get so worked up in trying to "win" that we lose track of everything. Though sorry by all means does not fix anything, it is a beginning and a simple "I am sorry" from either one of you can begin a dialogue that will ultimately resolve the conflict.
5. There is no winner or loser: Relationships are not boxing matches, therefore, just listen to what each of you have to say and go from there, no matter what the resolution the true winner if any is the relationship not the individual.

I never claim to know what I am talking about, I hope from my experiences and what I have learned to maybe help someone else who maybe going through what I have or may be going through now. Believe me I don't have anything figured out because as I sit here writing this my heart aches for I know in my own relationship we didn't follow any or these rules of engagement and it's going to take a while to repair what's been broken. But writing this and seeing it all laid out makes me feel a little better and gives me hope that like the many valleys we have visited, this is just one of them and there is a peak in our future.

Peaks And Valleys

Peaks and Valleys, I believe that is a perfect description of marriage. You learn quickly that real life is not like in the story books. A healthy working relationship be it marriage or a committed relationship takes work. Alot of work, things don't always come up roses. The true test of a relationship is how you as a couple climb out of that valley.

I also believe that sometimes as the modern moms that we are, we get caught up between the children, work, keeping up with the household, we tend to put our relationships on the back burner. This is not something that is done intentionally but like everything else when there are too many things going on at once sometimes certain things will fall into the cracks. Its normal. It happens. The key is to catch it before you fall into a deep valley. Don't get me wrong I am not a marriage counselor, and I am not saying don't pay attention to your children to tend to your partner, because really when you think about it, it's not about your husband, your partner, or who ever you choose to share your life with, marriage is a living thing, bigger than the both of you, it needs attention, it needs to be nurtured in order to continue growing and evolving.

Recently my own marriage fell into a valley, and it made me think of my own personal choices. I realized that my husband and I have been together so long that at times we take advantage of that fact. We fall back on the fact that because we have been together so long things just work themselves out. This time it was not that simple. We realized that we were both focused all of our attention on our daughters that we were not taking time to nurture our relationship. Its easy to fall back and just continue on with the motions and never even realize that there is a problem until you look over at your partner and realize that the relationship has become detached.

Like the central theme of this blog, finding the balance in life as a modern woman and a modern mom. I had to come to a realization that I also had to find the balance in my marriage, I choose to take this journey with my partner therefore I have to take the time as my partner does to nurture our relationship. Together we realized we just got caught up in the everyday things and stop really communicating what the real issues are thinking that it would just fix itself. It is still a work in progress. Will we fall into another valley quite possibly, have we climbed out of this one... umm... lets just say we still climbing, has there been peaks along the way YES!

Peaks and Valleys... this is a perfect description for life, marriage, motherhood, just about everything you can think of. As a mother, wife, executive, daughter, sister, friend etc., peaks and valleys are a staple in my life. I may not always have the answers and I will have to face the fact that I may never have the answer, but a ride with peaks and valleys seems a whole lot more interesting that just going straight.