Monday, July 12, 2010

No One ever tells You!!!

No ever tells you the crazy part of motherhood. What everyone always tells you how wonderful your life will be with your children, that when you see there faces all you are going to want to do is hold them and love them. Yes that is true but what about all the other emotions that come with motherhood. Feeling scared, nervous, anxious and dare I say it even depressed. All these feelings come with motherhood just no one ever talks about them. No one ever tells you that some days you will find yourself in the shower crying or that the only alone time you will have is when you are commuting to work in the morning. This side of motherhood is a dark little secret. If woman spoke more to each other about this side then maybe we would know how to handle it when it came our turn. Instead many of us keep this secret in and never reveal it, those never helping your fellow man ( in this case woman). For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a wife and mother. I wanted to fall in love and have a family just like the family I grew up in. Enough of a simple dream, well I had the partner part down. I meant my husband when I was 14 years old, and we have been together ever since. But when it came time for us to have children now that was not so easy. The whole time we were together there was not so much as a Opps!!!I think I am pregnant. So when a year past and everyone around me was getting pregnant I decided to go to the doctor, we both got checked and both of us were fine. My friend told me to stop stressing it and it will happen and you know what it did. Nine months later we had our first daughter. Lord how I love that girl it's amazing it really is how all your hopes, dreams, aspirations are all in this one little human being. When I brought her home it was a whole other story. My daughter was colic,so she would cry hours on end, she only slept on me. Literally on me was the only place she felt comfortable enough to sleep I have no idea how I never dropped her. It was so difficult those first few months of her life. I found myself with breast that were the size of watermelons and painful, a nonstop crying child and all these emotions that I had no clue how to deal with. My husband was a big help don't get me wrong but even he would look at me like I was crazy when I would burst out crying for no reason. One day it got so bad that I left my daughter crying in her crib at the top of lungs and stepped outside of my apartment for a few minutes. The thoughts that ran threw my head made me feel shameful. I just wanted to run and go away just keep running. I didn't know that these feelings are normal. My mom never taught me about this. She never told me that at times you feel so overwhelmed that all you want to do is drop your kids and just leave. It got worse when I went back to work then the real exhaustion hit. It was bad enough I had to get myself ready but a newborn too. I never realized that all these negative feelings came with motherhood. I thought it was all rose petals. Its not!!! Everyone deals with things differently some are more severe than others. I eventually got into a routine, my daughter colic got better and I began really liking my daughter. I use the word like because I loved my daughter from the moment she was born but it took me a while to like her. It took me a while to get through all those feelings of disappointment, of feeling that you are doing something wrong, of feeling cut off from everyone else. Once I came to terms with this is my life now. This little human being depends solely on me, then I knew what I had to do and my little bouts of depression became smaller and smaller and now the times I feel overwhelmed are far and few between. I was more prepared for these feelings when we had our second daughter two years later. Even though now I had two children to deal with a two year old and a newborn, I was more equipped to handle the stress that this took on my emotions. I still get feelings of being overwhelmed that is completely normal but now I know how to handle it better!!!


  1. I think you are a great mum,I have watched you grown into a women and the mother that you have become...along with all your friends from school who also took that big step in becoming a mum....being a mum doesn't come easy, it is a test everyday but it does become easy as they grow your blog keep up the good

  2. Hey You are too funny. I don't know were you find the time to compose this massive blog. LOL but you go girl. Your amazing not only as a friend but as a mom. My brother is such a lucky man and my neices are blessed. And you know me YES I will ALWAYS REMIND THEM BOTH OF THAT!!! I love you so very much, I don't think you can ever imagine how much.

  3. I don’t have children yet, but I got to experience what it was like to be a mother when I was 12. My mom just gave birth to my youngest brother, I also had a two year old brother and she ended up getting really sick and I had to take care of the baby. Thank God it was during the summer, I was able to stay up late with the baby when he woke up and feed him. I always wanted a family, but fro a long time after that I was hesitant about if I really wanted children. There was one time I tried to go to the store with both of them at the same time when I was like 17 and it was insane. I mean, it will be better when I have my own kids, cause my bros kinda did what they wanted that day cause they knew I was just their sister and I wasn’t their mother so they didn’t have to listen to me. But I’m not 12 and I’m not 17 anymore and having experienced that, I feel like I got a small taste of what real motherhood is about. And I’m better prepared for it when the time comes.