Outings and Babysitting
If you are lucky to get a night out, which I was last weekend, you most likely have to find a babysitter. This comes with its own band of problems. This time the lucky person drafted to do this job was my wonderful sister. She had babysat for me before but this would be the first time that she would have both girls and for that amount of time. Once we got on the road I was getting pictures of them three on the sofa having a good time. She even told me that my little lady told her she was doing a great job. So I along with my husband proceeded to get much more relaxed and calm and let our hair down. This was the first time in months we were out together. I put my phone in my purse and begin to have a good time when I look at my phone again, like 5 texts, that the baby does not stop crying. I go into panic mode, I know how the baby is, if my sister can’t calm her down, our night is over, I turn back into a pumpkin. I know how I felt the first time my child would not stop crying. The feeling of being overwhelmed, not knowing what to do, what have I done to subject my innocent sister to this right of passage, it’s not her time. You worry about your child and how someone even someone as familiar as their aunt can take care of her. Because we all know that in our minds no one can care for our child like ourselves. It was I feel like the most agonizing ten minutes of my life. Do I leave, can she handle it, will my daughter calm down, will I ever be able to leave her with anyone, will I ever be able to leave the house!!!! Once I calmed down, my sister let me know all was fine again. I often struggle with that balance. How do you keep your own identity? How do you balance the person that you were before you had children with the person that you must be when you have children? Your life just doesn’t suddenly stop when you have children. You still are the same person, with the same interest and the same relationships. One of the hardest things for a mother is not losing yourself along the way. Maintaining friendships, having interest and hobbies, other than your children and letting go and giving someone else control for at least a little while and having faith that they will do a good job.
At the end of the day I think I have mastered being able to go out and leave my children with someone else. I think I am at that point with my children, that I have come to realize that I can be my own person and still be there mom and not feel guilty that there are going to be times I want to go out with out them and do things for me that have nothing to do with them. I have also figured out that I am 30 years old with a hell of a lot of life left in me, and just because I have children does not mean that I have to stop being me. I just have to be a different version of me. I also have learned that titi Lissa is a great babysitter. I think we are going to institute a monthly date night. Little Lady says you are a great babysitter. GOOD JOB TITI LISSA!!!!