Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Once you have had the baby you realize, you didn’t have a twenty pound baby. For months you have been basking in the glow of pregnancy, everyone telling you, that you look great. Looking at your big belly and amazed that you are carrying life. Then when your child is born weighing in at six pounds nine ounces, you realize maybe the baby didn’t need those extra servings of pizza, and wings and whatever else you ate just because you were craving it. So now not only do you have a human being that you have to care for but, bonus, you got to figure out how the hell do you get back to pre-pregnancy weight before others figure out that all that fat was not baby just you being greedy.
It’s a very emotional stage when your maternity clothes fit you big but your regular clothes still just wont close. This is straight up hell. It’s very hard to feel out of sorts. Do you go out buy new clothes that fit your new body, or do you fight for the body you had before. You often think when do you have time to exercise or diet. Your weight should be flying off because most days you don’t even have time to shower let alone eat. Yet still here you are looking the way you are wondering are those serving size correct or is that just a guesstimation. These emotions can play with your head and your body image. Many moms lose focus of themselves and in other words “let themselves go”.
Hi, I am modern mom and I have lost myself. Yes I admit it; I am one of those women. I see pictures of myself five, six, ten years ago and I am like, damn where is that girl. Where is that confidant, radiant woman, who had it, some what together? I am so wrapped up in work, the girls, my marriage, my home that it’s easy to forget that you have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to keep everything else together. This weekend I went to watch my husband play baseball and support the team. All the wives and supporters are out there and we are all having a good old time. Now people start whipping out there cameras. Oh God!! Here we go, ok remember breathe in tuck in the gut, chest out, try not to slouch. The last thing you want is a picture a permanent reminder that you are 20 pounds over weight and that if someone makes you laugh you will blind someone when the button of pants pops off. My two girlfriends and I get lined up for a picture. The photographer in this case another friend, takes a shot, no this one is not good, she takes another, no come on you guys focus stay still, she tries again, we get serious, another shot, nope something is still not right. She turns to us and is like damn guys get it together, “VaVA VOOM over here is looking like a porn star, skinny Minnie, looking like a diva and you well you look like you going to do laundry. WHAT!!! The words just echoed in the air, LAUNDRY, LAUNDRY, LAUNDRY!!!! I looked like was going to do laundry, not a porn star, not a diva, but laundry. Had it come to this, and mind you it was all in good fun and there was no malice in this comment but just the fact that was being described this fashion, was like finding out there was no Santa.
Though the comment was not made to hurt me it got me thinking. Then this morning hits. I put one of the only pair of dress slacks that still fits me to go to an important meeting I had and I see that it has a stain, I get in panic mode. The other pants fit too tight, I am going to look like a crazy sausage woman giving the presentation with full on camel toe. So I start ironing another outfit that is not as cute at the one I had, but it fits so it will do. All of a sudden I start to cry. Crying cause I have to iron this second rate outfit and crying that I just don’t feel like myself. Then my lil’ lady comes in and she says “why you cry mommy” I respond I don’t know baby, mommy being silly. She asks again and then says “mommy don’t be sad, I love you, ok look mommy, look PUFF, all better, ok mommy PUFF all better.” This actually did work. I actually did feel better. It took a 2 year old to snap me back into reality. If you don’t like something in your life just “Puff” fix it, change it, make a plan to change it, don’t just give in and live with it. I remembered the words my sister told me “Find something that suits you”. Find something that suits me. I may never be that 115lb. girl anymore but I can be a better and healthier version of me. I may not be able to make it to the gym or run every morning. But I can find time to eat healthier, maybe go to the gyms on the weekends. Take time out to pamper myself. This way when I look in the mirror I recognize the person staring back at me. I understand now that as you get older, your body needs more attention, especially after giving birth. I am determined to start living a healthier lifestyle not only for myself but for my girls, because if I have positive body images then so will they. And just like that PUFF all better.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that with a little diet and exercise all the emotions that occur after pregnancy will miraculous disappear. Many woman get post partum depression, which is something much worse than just plain old mommy blues. I am speaking for myself. I have always had a body image problem. My weight always has been an issue for me and thus after pregnancy those emotions for me become heighten. Though exercising and eating healthier is the answer to many problems. I am not promoting or claiming that it works for all.

1 comment:

  1. WELL PUT! BUT I was there for that comment.. and I also felt a certain way about it.. being described as a PORN STAR is not something I personally take as a compliment. Unfortunately, *no disrespect to any porn stars* in our society.. being a PORN STAR has some negative connotations to it *don't tell that to my fiancé* ...You don't exclaim from the mountains MOM, I BROUGHT HOME A PORN STAR!... So what does that mean when someone describes you as such when you are wearing the same outfit as everyone else? No extra makeup, hair is not done up and you aren't wearing heels..? Do people perceive you as overly sexual...a "whore"? I also did not take offense to it because it wasn't said with malice.. nevertheless it made me think..