I just had my girlfriend ask me if I could get a sitter for this coming Friday. I dread those invites as much as I welcome them. For me a simple night out is not as simple as it use to be. I can't just say hey tomorrow I want to go out and have a drink! A drink has to begin with at least a two week planning process. This planning process consist of:
- where I am going,
- what time,
- how long,
- how am I getting there,
- who will watch the children
- how will I get them to the sitter,
- how long will they be there,
- you have to pack there stuff,
- you have to pay the sitter
When you are in a relationship, that night out is crucial, time away from the children is very important to reconnect with each other and just catch up with what is going on in your lives. Even though the planning part of it is so time consuming that you just don't even want to bother, I have learned that you do have to make an effort and make time for a drink, a movie, dinner or just time to be alone. I am the type of person that I really don't like to ask for help, I have always been of the motto "these are my kids, so I will handle it", meaning I rarely don't like to ask for anyone to watch them, let alone so I can have a drink. Though after now almost three years of having children I have learned that you have to learn to ask for help and you have to learn that it's OK to visit the person that you once were, with a night out. There is nothing wrong with wanting to just be!
Like they say it takes a village to raise a child, I also believe it takes a village to go out, (I know far fetched huh! but hear me out)I have been blessed with a great group of friends, and my girlfriends are some of the most amazing woman I have ever met, they embody all that I hold true to my soul. Most of my friends are mothers also, so they know where I am coming from, we help each other out, we plan things that we can do with the kids as well as we plan around our schedules so that we can go out without the kids. Girlfriends are your greatest pool of babysitter, and girlfriends who have children are even better because they feel your pain and they know that if they watch the kids when you need a break then of course you will watch them when she needs a break. I have learned you have to pull all your resources together in order to have some kind of balance. Who better to help you balance your life than great friends.
It's crazy to think that when you are young you think I need to do all my living now and get it out the way because once I "settle" down and have kids that's all out the window. Can I go back and slap myself because that just doesn't make any sense. You don't stop living when you get married and start a family, that's when life gets a hell of a lot more interesting. You are going to want to do things for just you, and believe me you are going to need more than a drink at times.
This whole blog began with me being nostalgic of my old self, and yeah I do miss her and I do miss not having to plan every single thing but I have learned I can still be that girl, just in moderation and with a bit of planning, and though that may not sound spontaneous and carefree, I have found somewhat of a balance in my life. I have learned when to ask for help and I have learned that it's OK to want to go out and have some fun. I think sometimes as parents and especially as moms we think we shouldn't want to be away from our kids, we shouldn't want some time to ourselves, but like the common theme in my blogs the balance is what you need to find and knowing that the person you are, the mother you are, deserves a DAMN DRINK!
P.S. Please drink responsibly!