I came across two interesting articles this week, "The Opposite of a "tiger Mom"" and "Parents who hate Parenting". The articles show a different perspective about parenting and it made me think a bit on how parenting is not a black and white issue.
In the article "The Opposite of a Tiger Mom", this woman after her divorce chooses not the be her children main parent, but chooses to move away to advance her career and thus she believes that this has made her and her kids closer and was the best thing for her and her kids. Now many mothers were all over this and kind of bashing her for her choice and I began to wonder as woman, as mothers we are extremely hard on ourselves and on other woman. As woman we fought hard to have rights that in a not so distant past we did not, so why is it still so hard to believe that some woman just are not made to or want to raise children. I get the whole notion that if she had kids she should raise them, but after reading the article I realized it took a lot for her to realize that she was not what was best for her children at that point in time and she removed herself from the situation, thus I believe in the long run enriching her childs life. Why do I say that? Because I strongly believe that a child feels if a parent is not a participate and being there just because you believe you have to is not enough, you have to want to be there! As woman the same way we celebrate the choice to become mothers we also have to celebrate the choose not to become one or to be a different kind of mother, in the case of this article she was as she called it a "part-time mother". This is not what many call the ideal situation and for me personally it would not work but for many woman it is their reality and for every family things are different and different things work.
We should not judge woman who choose not to have children, or after they have children realize that they really were not made for it. We can't fit each other into one singular mold we are all different. Motherhood doesn't come naturally like we were taught to believe. Yes when you have a child all these instincts that you didn't know you had come up but it takes time to get into it, it takes time to get to know your child, to love your child. After being a mother for now going on 3 years I have come to one very big realization it is very different wanting to be a Parent then it is to have to Parent. I just feel that at times as woman we are too hard on each other and our chooses. Things that fit on me may not work for you. We should allow ourselves to see motherhood in a bigger spectrum, so that chooses like the one in this article don't see as shocking or wrong, just a decision made by a mother who saw what she was lacking and as a mother decided that she was not the right fit as a full time care giver and become what was perfect for her family.
The other article that struck me was "Parents who hate parenting", it basically kind of came to the conclusion that non-parents are much more happier than parents. I also think i saw in the news that there was a study about the same thing. The article goes into the cost of raising a child and how some idealize parenting to justify the cost. I kind of got worried are there really that many parents out there that are not happy. What are they not happy about, the cost, their decision, their children, society? I mean I understand parenting is not this blissful existence where all you see is rainbows and doves flying around. It's hard work that at times can make you angry, sad, frustrated but it can also make you laugh, smile, and be happy. As I read the article one line got to me "perfectionism is the number one issue keeping modern mothers from enjoying the moment." That statement says it all. If you are striving to be perfect you will never be happy because it just aint' gonna happen! As modern mothers we want everything to be perfect, the perfect clean house, the perfect meals, spotless and well behaved kids, well I am here to tell you it don't always work. Yeah on any given day my house is going to be a bit messy with toys on the floor a hamper full of dirty clothes and dinner will not always be at 6pm sharp. But I can honestly say I am happy and I became happier when I realized I am not perfect and things with children will rarely ever go smoothly. Motherhood to me is always a learning process and I must say everyday I learn something new, I do feel my children have enriched my life in more ways than I will ever fully know. I would hope that everyone who has choosen to become parents feel over all moments of happiness, like everything in life it's never perfect but the ride is very interesting.
If you are interested in reading these articles here are the links: