I was having a conversation yesterday, and I was hit with a fact that until that conversation I had not even thought of, well I had but this conversation made me really think about it. My daughter is going to the same preschool I went to as a child, was born and is being raised in the same city and neighborhood as I was, being exposed to the same things as I was, and in this conversation the person said something along the lines "its a cycle". The conversation continued and though, I feel as if we may differ at how the conversation went, the conversation left me feeling with a very daunting questions, Am I doing better for my children than I was given?
This is what every parents wants, to give their child, more and better than they had. To expose them to things that because of environment or situation you were not exposed to. This conversation made me think am I doing this with my girls? I try really hard to give my children everything they need. I had a great childhood. We had our ups and down but all in all my childhood was great! I try to duplicate the sense of tradition and family that I was raised with, and also trying to add to it by giving them exposure to things that my parents didn't have access to at the time.
Am I holding my children back because, at this point they live and are being raised in the same neighborhood and around the same people I was raised in? Have I laid out a set of plans for my children that is already destined because of the chooses I had made for them already. I know, I am sorry because this blog sounds all over the place, but this conversation left me very confused and very worried!
I wonder if by sticking to what I know, have I short changed or will I short change my children? I was given a choice a little while back to leave everything I know and everything I have here to go someplace else and start from scratch. I thought hard on that decision and decided that a move like that would not be beneficial for my family at this point, and that it needed more thought and planning if it were to be successful. Though the plan has been put on the back burner for now, I wonder by me deciding that, did I hold back my children in anyway! By deciding to take things slow and being cautious of what we would be giving up if we just got up and left did I some how rob my children of a better life?
See that's the thing about decisions you can say "what if" all day! That is also the thing about parenting, you really don't know. I know my children have it better than I did! I know that my children are exposed to more things than I was! I know that my daugthers have done and seen more in their short years on this earth than I did at their age! Yet still I wonder have I made all the right decisions? Should I have gone right when I decided to go left?
I guess I am going to just have to trust myself! I know that at this point in their lives I have done the best that I can! I am pretty sure that I am doing a great job at being their mom! My daughter may go to the same preschool that I did and yeah she is being raised in the same neighborhood that I did but who cares! My daugthers are getting so much more out of life as a three and one year old than I ever did!
I don't really know what I am trying to say, but this "breaking the cycle" comment and conversation just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. What cycle am I supposed to be breaking! I was not abused, hurt, tormented or anything as a child! I was loved, nurtured, educated! I am in turn doing the same with my children! I am expanding on what I know, on what I was given. It may not be in the way that others would do it but hey you can't please everyone!
I sit here typing this and I still feel uneasy. I still am not sure, I still wonder can I be doing more, have I made all the right decisions for my family? Are my daughters being fulfilled? Am I providing them with all I can give them? I really don't know...