Sunday, December 4, 2011

Hello my name is ... I am a yeller!!!!

Yes, I am a yeller!!! I remember my mom yelling! She yelled alot and I remember saying I ain't gonna yell at my kids! This weekend I came to the realization I am my mother's daughter. I really didn't like that feeling. Not at all!!! My mom is a great mom! She did everything and continues to be the glue that holds our family together but as a stay at home mom of four children and having her own issues with dealing with her emotions she yelled when she wanted to get her point across. I remember not liking the feeling of being yelled at for every little thing. I mean we got yelled at for alot no matter if it was something big or small, she yelled.

Fast forward to having my own children, Layla is at that age where she is pushing the boundaries, she is very expressive and she can be alot to handle sometimes, good or bad. I have to admit I have been stressed out a bit more lately and not that I am making excuses but our recent situation is not normal for us. I have find myself yelling for everything! She doesn't listen to my command the first time I say it the next time it comes out as a yell! She don't listen again I am saying it louder! To the point where my husband the other day said you guys act like siblings instead of mother and daughter! That bothered me! Made me think I need a new approach.

Today though, today was my "a-ha" moment! Recently Layla has reverted to asking for someone to wipe her when she goes to the restroom. Now she is in school and she does it while she is in school and while she is at my aunts house but once she is home she will sit on the toilet yelling for someone to come clean her and she will stay there until someone comes no matter what else is going on or whatever else you are doing!

Today was an extra busy Saturday, I was washing clothes, cooking dinner, cleaning up all the things that we do and once again she yelled for me to clean her. I told her to go and do it herself. She started whining that she couldn't I said it again hurry up and finish and just do it. Again she yelled that she couldn't, I rushed into the bathroom and yelled "what you mean you can't do it" and as I yelled that I cleaned her and set her on her way! I didn't give it a second thought. Some time past, I found myself yelling "put the toys away", "don't do that to your sister", "stay in the room", "take a nap", whatever I was saying, I was yelling it! The again it was time for her to use the bathroom, she is doing her business and yelling, but this time I didn't even wait to hear what she was yelling about I yelled back at the top of my lungs "IF YOU DON'T CLEAN YOURSELF, I AM GONNA GO IN THERE AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE PUNISHED, NO MORE TV FOR YOU"

I just yelled this didn't even look at her direction, when I finally looked at her after yelling this about two more times cause I heard no movement in the bathroom I find her with tears in her eyes and saying "why you yell mommy, keep asking me if I cleaned myself I did that already, I am saying I can't flush the toilet" I saw a bit of fear in her eyes and I saw what I felt when I was always being yelled at. I had continued the cycle. I felt horrible. I apologized to her, not sure if she understands but I said it anyway. I told her I didn't mean to yell and that mommy was sorry.

I have to stop this, I have to be more patient. I have to stop yelling! I know it's going to be hard, I know I have a temper, I know I take on too much thus making everything too much. But the look in her eyes today I don't want to recreate that. It wasn't a good feeling being yelled at all the time. I don't want my kids to fear me and I want them to be comfortable enough to be able to come to me and know that I will not judge and will be there to listen to them. I love my mom but I still am not too comfortable talking to her and alot of it is because of the way I felt as I was growing up.

I am going to try my hardest to stick to this! My husband is so patient with the girls so I really have to learn from his example. Now I am not going to be a push over but I really have to learn a new tactic. I can't get frustrated! I can't make my kids feel like my voice only comes in one volume ,"LOUD"

I am a work in progress and I am not perfect. I have my issues like everyone else. I just hope that I have caught this early enough that my daugther won't hold this against me! I can only hope!

How do you handle all the stresses of motherhood, parenthood and just life in general?

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