Well it's Tuesday morning and as I sit at my desk at work I wonder to myself how I am back here again. Yep I am lost once again in mommy land and I just really don't know how to get out. Now let me just clarify something so that we are all clear mommy land not bad at all! I choose to be a mother and I love my kids! But being lost in mommy land can sometimes be depressing. That's where I sit.
I started out the year ready to tackle new things and take care of myself a bit better. I made promises to myself and while some of those promises I am doing even if its at a snails pace I feel a bit left behind in my own life! I think it all started with all the craziness that was April, the girls birthdays, the baptism, house renovations, our own vacation, I kind of once again got caught up in taking care of everything else that I forgot to take care of myself. This is a common thread that mothers seem to share, we are busy taking care of everything and everyone else that at the end of the day there really isn't anytime to take care of ourselves. Where do you really find the time to actually do something that is just for you and why is it so hard to do that. Last week Toni Morrison was on the Oprah Show and she said that everyone needs to have "that place", something that is just theirs, that is solely of ones making and that no one else is allowed unless we want them, for her it's her writing for others it can be something different. I really haven't found that place yet. This blog is my place, my little safe haven, but I feel like maybe I should be doing more, I feel like maybe I can be doing more. Does that make any sense, or did I lose all of you out there! I feel like Miranda from "Sex in the City 2" when she was trying to get Charlotte to admit that sometimes motherhood is too much, and that it's ok to say "hey my kids are annoying" I feel like sometimes I am alone out here on this ledge like if I dare say hey I maybe a little overwhelmed people may look at me like pshh... she is a bad mother! WELL THE HELL WITH IT I AM A LITTLE OVERWHELMED!
Oh Wow! that felt good! I have so much on my mind lately, my husband finally started a new job that he is slowly adjusting to, my daughter will start school in September, my parents leave to Puerto Rico in a month, now I have to find new child care and to top it off everything costs money! LOTS OF MONEY! How the hell do I get off trying to take care of myself when I have all of that to deal with! This is what runs through my mind on daily basis on top of the countless other things.
I must say I am better than I was a few months ago, last year was a bit hard for us but we got through it and I am not saying that I don't do anything that is just for me. I have learned to try and find a balance and at times I can achieve that balance just something about today that has me thinking why that balance can't be everyday. I guess we all have our moments and we all have our days and this blog may not make any sense but it makes sense to me. I wake up every morning, I get myself ready, I get my girls ready, I wake my husband up, I walk the dog and we out the door, in all that time I am constantly thinking of the next thing that needs to be done and sometimes I just wish nothing else needed to be done that's all!
I realize that balance comes with time and if I really wanted to do something for myself I make it happen like everything else, I just need to remember to put myself on the list.We shouldn't feel guilty to want to be alone, or to want to relax, or to what to do something that is not kid friendly. I am learning slowly but I will find my balance. I will find what my path is that can be parallel to my path as a mother. Ok so thanks for letting me have my moment, and rambling on and on, as I try and figure it all out I will keep you posted! Now my stomach is talking to me so off to lunch I go!
Don't forget to tune in tomorrow for another "Mommy Spotlight" interview and if you have anyone that you would like to nominate for our Mommy Spotlight please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org .