There are moments in parenthood that sometimes you are not proud of and then there are times that you are overjoyed!. Last Wednesday I experienced those two emotions all in one day!!! Let me explain.
It was a regular morning in my house, all things were going as planned, I am usually the first to wake up and then I begin waking up the troops. When we were all about ready to leave... Layla begins to start her tantrum!!! Yelling at the top of lungs that Abuela's house is boring and she wants to go to work with her father!!! Clearly she loves her grandmothers house!, and clearly she can't go with her dad to work! The tantrum continued down the stairs of our house and as he strapped her in her car seat!! I began to feel guilty and that day just also happen to be the day of her first dentist appointment so I broke the cardinal rule of parenting!!! I gave in to the tantrum! I was going to leave work early anyway to take her to the dentist so I gave in to the tantrum and took Layla to work!
Here she is in a cab with me on our way to the train station! I know I know I am not proud of myself! I know she should have gone to her Abuela's house! But at that moment I felt that I could make my child feel better and I took the chance! I know that the next day she would ask again but what the hell we were off to work!
She was so excited!!! Once I told my mom that only Ava would be going to her house, I got the lecture not to give in to them, that now she is going to want to go everyday!!! Blah, blah, blah!!! Hey I ain't perfect and this blog is a testament to that! But there are times that if you just give in, it makes things better at the moment! It ain't scientific but whatever!
We had a great time on the train, she said hello to everyone, she asked so many questions, she was happy that I let her show our ticket to the conductor! I am glad I take the Metro North and not regular MTA trains to work, she had a great train experience it was not crowded, we had seats and she was able to be a kid on a train!
Once we were at our destination, I realized, I work near a fire station, so we headed there before we went to work so that Layla can get her tour of the firehouse!
She got her own personal tour of the firehouse and she got to sit in a fire truck!!! It was so much fun! I still felt guilty about giving in to her and taking her to work with me but I was at the point of no return! We made our way to my office and did a few things that needed to be done, I sat her with her coloring books and crayons at our conference table but of course she is three so she was not going to sit still! She explored the office went in and out of my coworkers office and i could not wait for lunch to come so that we can get out the office for at least an hour! The day went off without a hitch and we were off to the dentist! I have been hiding this fact from her because she doesn't like doctors! So I didn't want her to freak out. I as a child had a horrible dentist experience, it scarred me for life, my husband worried that I was the wrong choice to take her to the dentist. Though I begged to differ I needed this as much for her as for me! As parents we need to be there for our children even if its the thing we loath the most in life! THE DENTIST!!!
Oh yes she freaked out, she held her mouth shut, she put her hand to her mouth, she screamed that there was no need for her to be there because she had brushed her teeth in the morning!!! The dentist laughed, can you imagine a three year old screaming at the top of her lungs "NO MY TEETH ARE CLEAN, MOMMY CLEANED THEM IN THE MORNING" Here is where the proud moment of parenting came to play. I could have taken my child and left, or I could have given in and called my husband in the room, but no I held my own, I soothed her, I told her everything would be OK, and it helped that I told her she would get a prize at the end!!! She still cried, but we got it done!!! After her teeth were checked and cleaned, and she got an A+ on her teeth! She even thanked the dentist! She took her goodie bag with her new tooth brush and spongebob toothpaste and carried it like a badge of honor! She had survived her first dental visit! And quite frankly so had I!
I patted myself on the back for that, I had seen that scenario play in my head so many times since she was born! How would I react, how would I put aside my own fears and be strong for her! Well I really don't know how I did it, once I was in that office and seeing the chair all my fears came back, my anxiety level was at a sky high level, but I also saw my daughter needing her mother. So I was there for her, guiding her, holding her hand, well in this case holding her down!!! I must say a very proud parenting moment!
That day I realized, that through my daughters I can be fearless!!! I can try and help to guide them through things that may seem difficult to even myself to face. Though I know that I have to show my daughters that I also can be weak, because they can't think I am this super person, and it's important to know that at times weakness is not something bad, just something that at times is necessary and natural, I have to also show them that facing your fear is something that also is very important, and that together we can be fearless!!!