This has always been my problem.... "To blog or not to blog.... THAT IS THE QUESTION" As I sit even typing this the thought always crosses my mind! I mean what can I really have to say!
I love this blog and the connections I have made through it and I do love the fact that someone out there reads and enjoys it. But I often find myself questioning if I should continue!
My two biggest obstacles are time and me! I am my biggest obstacle! I sike myself out in every aspect of my life! I do... it's something that I know I do yet I don't know how to fix it because just trying to fix it makes me again question myself! (OK I am rambling, do I make any sense!) I am my own enemy and sometimes I defeat myself! I have always been this way. I can come up with a thousand reasons not to do something or even better why I would fail at it! This is the very reason I gave up writing in the first place. I loved writing poems. I had tons of journals with my thoughts, things I didn't dare say to anyone else. But life and me got in the way and I just stopped.
When I found this outlet for my little crazy stories I thought what fun I just needed a release but the fact that people liked it made me want to give everyone something good to read and then the self doubt came along! Instead of just being me I would read things over and over again... is this funny enough... well they get what I am trying to put across! I know better.... I know that the connections I made through this, that there are no judgements yet still I put of this front. I wonder can I be good all time.
Then there are times that I just don't feel like writing but I have this blog so I say well I have to commit to write and then it becomes a job and then I have to find time for it which I rarely have and then it's not a release anymore then it's something I feel I am required to do and that makes me feel weird! (again I am rambling!!!!)
I know I am going to continue blogging, I love this too much to stop but I wonder do any of you out there face the same obstacles. How do you guys find the time, how do you get over the self doubt. How do you answer the question "What am I doing this for?"
What am I doing this for? I know its not money, cause lets face it, I ain't getting rich here! I know for me I do get joy out of it and when I take it seriously, I do feel its the release I need to keep my sanity. I just can't seem to get over trying to do better and be better... better than who I don't know, maybe better than myself? I mean I guess I have to admit sometimes I check my stats too much, if I don't get a comment I wonder was it not good enough? I guess maybe I am not alone in this feeling, I mean it's only natural to look at others and say wow they doing great how can I achieve that? Yet I just can't let that make me feel like I ain't doing what I am supposed to be doing.
It's all good when I say it... stay in your lane, do you, and your awesome! Your great! But just sometimes... the self doubt lingers in and I guess it happens to everyone. I hope I am not alone in this.
So my promise which I really do hope to keep is:
I PROMISE JUST TO BE ME!
I promise just to be me. I will try to blog regularly, because I like doing it. I hope that those that read this blog enjoy it. I would like to be able to connect with others which I am pretty sure I have. Also and this is to some easy but for me takes alittle work but I am not going to take this blogging thing so seriously and just remember why I started this and just have fun!!!! If I can remember that last part JUST HAVE FUN! I think I will be alright!