RED! Resisting Every Desire… a silent prayer, I repeat in my head! The thoughts overwhelming, the feelings I have!
Why does my body betray me, I know this all shades of wrong… RED! Resisting Every Desire, a silent prayer to myself. If only your words can match your actions. If only you would have been willing to guide me, through all of this! Instead you denied me, my anguish felt in ever touch! Confusion for what my body’s wants, conflicting with what I know is wrong. Your touch….
Your sweet touch… followed by your harsh words… RED! Resisting Every Desire! These feelings that I feel it is hard to make sense! I can’t wrap my head around it. When your touch feels so good but your words rip into me like daggers. I am lost, alone with my thoughts. My mind hurts, my body aches. I feel you before I see you. I am being betrayed by everything I hold dear.
RED! Resisting Every Desire…this little silent prayer, my mantra against you! If you could just be still in the moment. Just hold on to me. If I could just hold you then you would know… you would feel, you would see… your touch turns violent. I understand what I must do! Though my body betrays me, the silent prayer gets louder. I know what I must do…. RED! Resisting Every Desire…I must shout it out. I must make my body understand… this is no good!
RED! Resisting Every Desire…I hurt, overwhelmed, denied, I utter those words, again and again RED! RED! RED! Never again, will you ever hurt me, your touch so sweet, your words so mean. Confusion sets in and even though you setting me free you still twist your words, your touch still betrays! I hunger for the day that I can make sense of this mess. How your touch can feel so good but your words hurt so bad. How what once I felt so deeply make me feel so cheap. How you could have helped me! How you can have saved me! The impact that you had, the moments that mean nothing now. I agonize in theory of what could have been. You could have guided me, yet you choose to infiltrate my mind in a way still not yet understood.
RED! Resisting Every Desire… I scream out these words… no longer will you stand in the threshold of my mind, no longer will you hold me back, make me feel ashamed. Your touch so gentle… you kiss so sweet, my body betrays me, but this time I hold on…
P.S. I know I haven't been really writing mommy stuff lately... I will I have alot still to share I just felt it was time to show you guys another side of me... I guess I need to show u my Fifty Shades of Zulay! LOL Thank you always for your support!