Saturday, January 16, 2016

Wow it's been a while... but I have set a goal.

Wow, I haven't been in this space in so long. I feel like a stranger in my own little world I created. I feel like an intruder, as if I don't belong.  It is a weird feeling to have created something that you felt so strongly about and not even really know where to begin. This was my space, my place in the world where I was solely Zulay. Yes, I am a mom, a wife, a worker, a lover, a friend, so many titles but here I was Zulay. I wrote about mommy stuff and marriage stuff and goofy stuff cause that is who I am but somewhere along the way I lost my way. I mean of course I kept existing I am still all those things I mentioned earlier but I was missing something. I have always felt it but I guess like I had more "important" things to take care of I just ignored that feeling inside and basically did what I always did I kept it moving.

Almost three years ago as many of you know I moved with my terror squad in tow to Florida. Though I was very reluctant about that decision, we moved and it was the best decision for our family but for a long time not until recently did I actually come to terms with this decision. I am still not fully adjusted to Florida, I mean I am Bronx girl born and bred but I like my warm weather now and not having to wear socks... LOL 

A lot has happened to my little tribe this year and I can go on forever with updates, but with all that was happening I found myself more and more like I was drifting away. Don't get me wrong, I have made amazing friends, connections that I hope will continue forever, my relationship with my dude is the best it has ever been and my children are thriving but I was just rolling with it.(Like most of us moms do)  I am happy. Wow I can  actually say that without sounding like it's bull shit. I really am happy. Yes can somethings get better, of course. I mean, I still don't drive, and I still can't apply make up without the assistance of a you tube video but hey.

Are there things I would like to change most definitely and that is the reason I am writing this today. There has been a time or two where I have been told that I am a good writer, and from time to time when no one is looking I sit and write. Those times have been far and few between and that I feel like I am making a disservice to myself. I need to create, I feel like I must create. It's my outlet. I feel so much better when I do, and since moving and with all the changes that is one of the things that I have let fall thru the cracks. I need it to be me. So I have set  goal.

Even if my writing or what I create what ever that may be doesn't go any farther than my laptop. I will find time to create and have an outlet for me to be me. I mean if I can find the time to read which I love to do, if I can find time to do all the other things I find important to me, than I can find time for me.  I started a course today my sister emailed me its 10 days of lessons and kind of like couching the first day lesson was "I don't write because I literally don't have the time", it basically gave you two methods to focus your energy, method one, become completely disciplined only do the things that feed your goal, treat it like an athlete training for there said sport. 

The second method the one I think will work best for me is set a reasonable goal. I want to write a book some day. That doesn't mean that I will write it today. But if I set small goals for myself like this right here getting back on my blog, just creating in this space, taking the time out my day while my kids are eating breakfast and being their crazy selves 5 feet away, I am here in MY SPACE, MY LITTLE WORLD THAT I AM JUST ZULAY.

I can keep rambling away but I got to go be a mom now. I am gonna try to set attainable reasonable goals for myself, be it me writing, me creating, me dealing with my anxiety and fears so I can learn to drive.  I know as moms we put in our heads that we just don't have the time and really we don't there is really not enough time in the day to do everything that you have to do. There is always something that throws your "schedule" out the window, but I like to read, I mean I love to read, and I find time to do that so I guess I can find time to do the things that make me, well me. Not gonna sit here and make this a lecture about how you have to make time for yourself, cause I hated when I heard that, finding time becomes a task in itself. Like I have always mentioned in my blogs I am by far not an expert. I most of the time have no clue what I am doing and wing it. But for me, I have come to terms that for me to have a mental balance, to feel like me, I have to create, I have to write, I have to find the time, even if it's just sharing my every day stories here in this space. So that's my goal, I will start with this space right here, and work from there!

I hope you guys will welcome me back! I surely did miss this!!!

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